Tales of a Mermaid Gone Over the Deep End by Teresa Fischtner

Please welcome Teresa Fischtner author of Tales of a Mermaid Gone Over the Deep End

Teresa Fischtner will be awarding a $15 Amazon or B/N GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour.

Tales of a Mermaid Gone Over the Deep End

by Teresa Fischtner

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GENRE: Non-fiction (biography/autobiography)

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BLURB:

Advance praise (payback) for Teresa Fischtner:

“Well, this is a little embarrassing. I didn’t actually read the WHOLE book, but it’s probably pretty good. I’m not sure what she said about me, but you should know—SHE shot me in the back on my 19th birthday!”

– Ronny Fischtner (author’s son)

“I love my mom and I love MOST of this book. It should be noted that my bowling has improved, I’ve given up hockey, accounting is for nerds, pancakes is food for super heroes and no one needs to count how many boyfriends I’ve had.”

– Malyn Fischtner (author’s daughter)

“I’m pleased to be the source of so much humour for my wife. I just wish she didn’t feel the need to publish it.”

– Ron Fischtner (author’s husband)

“It was the last class of the evening that I was teaching, and we were doing our stretches, and at the surface of the water I noticed a single floating nipple happily bobbing away on its own. Unsure if its owner was still in the water, I quietly asked the nearest lady, “Excuse me, could you just pass me that nipple over your right shoulder?

“There I held a lovely C-cup breast that went rogue. I made posters for the lost breast (seriously, I made missing boob posters). No one claimed her. I introduced her to all the instructors, but no one recognized her (honestly, they all look the same after a few years at the pool). No one ever claimed Betty (yes, we gave her a name). Betty stayed on the teachers’ table in our special little box for a long time. Eventually, like all good boobs, she wrinkled up, lost her bounce, and sagged lower and lower in the box until we all forgot how much fun she was when we first found her.”

This is a feel-good book of true short stories about me, my family, friends, and my aquafit business, Over the Deep End. We all have stories to share, and the true ones are always the best. I’m sharing some of my most vulnerable moments, some of my greatest moments, and some of my saddest. Hopefully, in one story or another, you find something way better than me—you might find you. We all have a story and a different way to tell it. I hope telling my stories helps you tell some of your own.

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EXCERPT:

What’s the difference between a surprise and a shock? A little pink line on a pregnancy test is the difference. Ron and I were not planning to start a family; hell, it took us eleven years to set a wedding date. We had tons of nieces and nephews; we didn’t need any kids of our own. Our siblings were more than happy to lend out theirs, and we were more than happy to take and return them.

How did I get pregnant? Well, this isn’t that kind of book. I’m assuming you already know how that happens. Just call me Fertile Myrtle. I was on birth control pills, but I had the flu, and for over a week, I couldn’t keep anything down. My doctor explained it could be as simple as throwing up my pills or having been on them too long—they were less effective. Either way, the four pregnancy tests I took were all right. I was definitely pregnant.

We decided to keep the news to ourselves until after the wedding. We both needed time to process this. Honestly, after eleven years together, what were the chances that I would get pregnant three months before our wedding? Karma—that bitch!

We were getting married in a church, so we had to tell our priest; correction, Ron had to tell our priest (I’m fine with little white lies, and I was only a couple of months along, so technically, the lie was still very little). We were expecting fire and brimstone and bible scripture that would put us to shame. Kudos to our priest. He congratulated us and agreed to keep it quiet. He said most couples he counselled didn’t stay married as long as we had already been together. He assured us we could handle this. He thanked us for our honesty and gave us a hug. Oh, my sweet Karma.

We wanted to tell everyone in our families at the same time and decided the best time to do that was at the wedding. I arranged it with our DJ the night before our wedding that he would announce that we had some news to share, and we wanted to do it with a song. Ron and I got on the dance floor, and he played Paul Anka’s song, “Having My Baby.” It was very quiet for the first verse, and by the second chorus, there was cheering and clapping.

Having my baby, what a lovely way of saying how much you love me?

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AUTHOR Bio and Links:

Teresa Fischtner is an “aqua entrepreneur.” After 25 years working in accounting, she changed careers and started teaching aquafit at her family pool. Customers come to “Over the Deep End” for full body workouts in deep water and they leave with a sense of community and friendship that Teresa has created, and all her mermaids and mermen continue to nurture.

This is Teresa’s first book; she writes from her heart with honesty and humour. Comments and kindness always welcome at teresa@overthedeepend.ca.

Connect with Teresa Fischtner

WEBSITE https://www.overthedeepend.ca/

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/Over-The-Deep-End-535033316645038

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/overthedeependfitness/

GOODREADS https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/21918424.Teresa_Fischtner

Get your copy of Tales of a Mermaid Gone Over The Deep End

AMAZON.COM https://amazon.com/dp/0228863007

AMAZON.CA https://amazon.ca/dp/0228863007

BOOKSHOP https://bookshop.org/books/tales-of-a-mermaid-gone-over-the-deep-end/9780228863007

INDIGO CHAPTERS https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/tales-of-a-mermaid-gone/9780228863014-item.html

BARNES & NOBLE https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/tales-of-a-mermaid-gone-over-the-deep-end-teresa-fischtner/1140326424

BOOK DEPOSITORY https://www.bookdepository.com/Tales-of-Mermaid-Gone-Over-The-Deep-End-Teresa-Fischtner/9780228863007

SMASHWORDS https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1108469

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GIVEAWAY INFORMATION and RAFFLECOPTER CODE

Teresa Fischtner will be awarding a $15 Amazon or B/N GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour.

http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/28e4345f4002