Toxic Beer by Simon Bullock

Please welcome Simon Bullock author of Toxic Beer

Simon Bullock will be awarding a $20 Amazon/BN GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour.

Toxic Beer

by Simon Bullock

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GENRE: Humor

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BLURB:

Unemployed computer engineer Sidney Ramsbottom inherits a small fortune from his late father’s business investments after he is found dead floating face down in a large vat of beer accompanied by two scantily-dressed Polish pole dancers and their three performing sheep Brittany, Lulu, and Michaela.

Before Sid has a chance to enjoy this unexpected windfall, however, he is abducted by a group of thieving alcoholic aliens who have been bumping and burping their way across the universe while on the run from the Intergalactic Police in a stolen spaceship.

Sid is left unconscious in the spaceship’s smelly cargo bay and left to rot while the aliens set forth to carry out their plans for the planet Earth.

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EXCERPT:

About a year ago, on the small lifeless moon that orbits the planet earth, the people of Great Britain were being studied carefully by a race of extra-terrestrials from a distant galaxy.

What were these aliens doing? The cheeky sods. You may also have a thousand and one other questions, seeing that I had just revealed to you that an intelligent life form from a distant galaxy had been watching us closely for quite some time.

They were studying us with their beady eyes and waiting before they plotted their next move. So why did these aliens bother to journey halfway across the known universe and set themselves down on our moon without popping in to say hello?

I will answer all your questions and a few other nuggets of information you’ve not yet considered, such as the secrets of interstellar space travel or how to brew UFO fuel in two weeks in your mum’s airing cupboard.

Let me start by explaining how they arrived.

If you have been paying attention, I’ve just revealed that a race of intergalactic extra-terrestrial beings was currently living on the moon.

They had accidentally happened upon our planet after a crewmember picked up a signal emanating from what they considered a dead world while on their way home. The aliens were coming to the end of an extended booze cruise, having visited every galaxy and planet you care to name. After a hundred years of endless partying, the crew were getting a bit bored by it all; the fun was wearing thin, and arguments broke out amongst them. They just wanted to go home.

Also niggling at the back of their minds was several planet authorities were after them. They were now wanted in several star systems. According to the spaceship’s computer, they had detoured through our solar system to avoid being caught, which was deemed lifeless.

Just as they were heading home, the ship’s chief engineer deemed it necessary to ruin the fun by informing the captain that the spaceship was desperately in need of some vital repairs.

If they intended to make their journey home in one piece, one essential component that needed attention was the ship’s propulsion system. The chief engineer pointed out that the engines seemed to produce more toxic waste than the engine room’s bilge pumps could cope with. It was seeping out of the storage containers into the ships’ more vital systems. But, he explained, if these repairs were delayed or ignored, he couldn’t be held responsible for the devastating consequences that the leakage would cause.

The chief engineer then pointed out to the captain that the last time the captain had taken it upon himself to ignore the engineer’s warnings, they had crash-landed on some horrible planet and how they had barely escaped the wrath of the Andorran ambassador after he had discovered his space yacht was missing. If it hadn’t been for the chief engineer’s quick thinking, which had saved their bacon, God knows where they would be now. Probably clamped in irons and thrown in some nasty smelly prison cell and forgotten about, or even worse, fed to the ambassador’s pets.

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AUTHOR Bio and Links:

Simon, who works as a medical engineer, has had a lifelong passion for writing as well as a sci-fi comedy.

Toxic Beer has been a decade in the making but, as readers and critics alike attest, has been worth the wait. Simon’s zany, joke-rich and earthy storytelling will appeal to anyone who loves the likes of Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide, the writing of Robert Rankin, as well as classic British TV sci-fi comedy, show Red Dwarf and the cult sci-fi comedy film Galaxy Quest.

With his first, critically acclaimed novel having gone down better with readers than a cool pint on a scorching day, Simon is now working on a follow-up to Toxic Beer–a prequel revealing the bleary-eyed aliens’ escapades during their extended inter-galactic booze cruise.

A hoopy frood who always knows where his towel is, Simon also plays blues harp in the rising Dutch blues band, BluesShack.

Originally from the UK, Simon currently lives in Utrecht, Netherlands, with his wife Chrissie and two cats. In his free time, he enjoys cooking and likes to brew homemade Beer with more kick than an Arcturian MegaDonkey.

Social Media Links:

https://www.facebook.com/simonbullock.co.uk

https://twitter.com/SimonbullockA

Website: https://www.simonbullockauthor.com/

Buy Link: https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Beer-TOXIC-BEER-TRILOGY/dp/B0932CXBJ5

The book is $0.99 to buy, or free to read on Kindle Unlimited.

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GIVEAWAY INFORMATION and RAFFLECOPTER CODE

Simon Bullock will be awarding a $20 Amazon/BN GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour.

RAFFLECOPTER:

http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/28e4345f4267