Unwillable: A Journey to Reclaim My Brain by Jackie M. Stebbins

1. What or who inspired you to start writing? Unfortunately for me, I don’t have a beautiful experience where I stopped to smell the roses and the muse hit me to write a memoir. But in 2018, I was living my dream as a successful trial lawyer and senior partner of my own law firm when I suddenly lost control of my mind and body and was diagnosed with autoimmune encephalitis (AE). AE is a rare brain illness wherein the person’s immune system attacks her brain. I was fortunate that intravenous steroids turned my brain back on and I woke up from my nightmare. But waking up wasn’t all sweet, because I immediately realized that my life as I knew it was over and that I was going to lose my beloved career. As I began to process my illness, I learned that Susannah Cahalan had written a memoir about her experience with AE, called Brain on Fire, which was a NYT #1 bestseller. My neurologist had actually referenced Brain on Fire to my family as he diagnosed me, so the book helped save my life. I vowed to write Unwillable about my experience to hopefully help others faced with this disease or another debilitating situation.

2. How did you come up with ideas for your books? When I first began writing Unwillable, I believed it would be my only book. But after I poured over my laptop and let my fingers bleed for almost exactly three years, I realized that writing is a craft that can be learned. It’s also art. In my old life, I was an extremely boring trial lawyer who didn’t believe I had any artistic ability. Now I love all my various writing creations. I’ve begun working on a memoir/guidebook about law school and I hope to deliver the sequel to Unwillable in the near future. I believe I’ll continue to focus on nonfiction, but I did write a novella for NaNoWriMo in 2022 (and I think it’s pretty awful).

3. What expertise did you bring to your writing? Much of my undergrad experience in political science and political activities revolved around a lot of reading, writing essays, and marketing myself. In law school, I learned the unique and nuanced craft of legal writing and honed the skill while in practice. I litigated family law, criminal defense, and civil cases for almost ten years before I was diagnosed with AE, which made me a miniscule expert on a wide array of subject matter. I spent most of my professional days reading, organizing my thoughts, and writing legal briefs. My day-to-day legal writing was like putting together a giant and complicated puzzle, which I loved. It was hard to see it at first, but the silver lining to what was an otherwise dark cloud is that I feel like everything I did in my previous life set me up to do what I’m doing now, which is writing, speaking, and podcasting.

4. What would you want your readers to know about you that might not be in your bio? I was reared on a farm in a rural town in the small state of North Dakota. Sometimes I’m the most unique person in the room by virtue of where I grew up and live now (Bismarck, North Dakota). Many times while traveling, people will tell me I’m the first person they’ve ever met from North Dakota, and they think I have a midwestern accent.

5. As far as your writing goes, what are your future plans? I hope to get back into a groove where I can work on my larger projects, like my law school book and the Unwillable sequel. I publish my weekly JM Stebbinsblog and write for various publications to spread AE awareness. I give motivational speeches about AE, resilience, and hope, and I have a global podcast called Brain Fever. On top of managing my chronic health and busy family with three kids, I keep a lot of projects going. But the litmus test is that I have to enjoy everything I work on.

6. If you could be one of the characters from any of your books, who would it be and why? The protagonist in my memoir is pretty cool (ha!) and I’m very proud of the way she survived, recovered, and rebuilt her life after devastation, but if I could be any character in Unwillable, I’d be my mom, Colleen. Mom showed me that just because your kids are grown up, you never stop your endless devotion to them. She’s been by my side forever and I’m so thankful to her. Without her and my wonderful husband, Sean, (and my dad and countless other family members and friends) I would not be writing this blog right now.

8. Do you belong to a critique group? If so how does this help or hinder your writing? When I began writing, I took nominal feedback from only a select few people. As I began to grow my own sea legs by reading endless other memoirs and taking my first writing class at The Loft, I began to better sort through some of the feedback and categorize it as helpful or harsh. I took snippets here and there from people I really trusted who had knowledge of writing and the industry, but at the end of the day, I knew I had to be the person to figure out just what the heck I was doing. Right before I shopped for publishers, God sent me an angel named Sue, and she read my manuscript. Her feedback gave me an enormous amount of confidence and told me that my book was in fact as ready as I believed it to be.

9. When did you first decide to submit your work? Please tell us what or who encouraged you to take this big step? I am one of the most stubborn and competitive people I know. When I saw Brain on Fire, I immediately said, “I’m going to do that too” (which was pretty gutsy for someone recovering from a brain injury)! Even though I was a lawyer with a strong academic background, I had no idea how to write a book. There were many times when I believed that the final product would be awful and I wanted to throw away my laptop, but I resurrected my old drive and persevered to not only write a book, but to write Unwillable.

11. Do you outline your books or just start writing? When I first began Unwillable, I outlined titles, ideas, and chapters. And then I overwrote by about one million words and didn’t even get to the end of the book. Overall, I just wrote and wrote, and worried about polishing the book later (which took a lot of time, edits, and complete rewrites). As I write my next book, not only are my organizational skills better, but so is my knowledge of the craft. This time around I think I’ll be able to outline a bit and stay within the margins (and word count).

12. Do you have any hobbies and does the knowledge you’ve gained from these carry over into your characters or the plot of your books? For a really long time, my life revolved around getting into law school, pushing through law school, and becoming the best lawyer I could be. That life’s path meant foregoing hobbies, friendships, and travel. I was really a workaholic too and that’s the way I’m wired. So the good news is that in this new life I lead, everything I do is a glorified hobby: podcasting, writing, blogging, and speaking, all in the name of AE awareness. I spend my time down a lot of rabbit holes learning from other authors on their podcasts and blogs, but I know I’ve found my niche, because in the different people I follow, I find overlap in ideas, perspectives, and references to others. I’m never short of new ideas to write or speak about as it relates to AE, chronic health, mental health, and resilience. And most of these great ideas come while doing something else I love: aqua jogging.